encourage one another

One of the greatest things we can do for people is: encourage them! You might not have any idea what is going on in someone's life, and you don't know what a word of encouragement might just do for them! I have had great discouragement about change. But it is so awesome how God is constantly reminding me and confirming it’s Him working in my life, and it’s His voice I hear cheering me on. I just have to keep on obeying. He reminded me a few nights ago that 4 years ago He brought me up out of a lot. He brought me out of sin and messes that I myself chose and caused. He worked slowly in His time changing surface parts of my life. He took the desires that I had for the world, and morphed them into a full blown out passion for His Son. Discouragement comes from Satan, especially when someone is changing. It's not about what the person can do anymore, but what God can do. God said to me, “Beloved, I changed you years ago. Remember where you came from? I can change you now. It would have been too much if I would have tried to work out all of this stuff in the depths of your heart, while I was teaching you about the surface things. It’s all in My timing, small steps. I have been preparing you for this hurt and change. It's tough, but don’t worry! We can do this. I am your God, I AM.”

sowing seed

I have had seed sown into my life, yet there was so much more that needed to be uprooted. There wasn't enough room for Fruit to be grown. If God had another name He could be the Great Gardener. I don't know if you have ever pulled weeds, but it is one of the worst jobs in the world. My mom despises it, so much of the time I will agree to do it. It hurts your hands after a while especially in our front yard because of the rocks. It makes your hands sore. When Jesus pulled weeds out of my life on the Cross it left marks for all eternity, not just a little ache. Pulling weeds is tricky though. First, you have to pull it out entirely, otherwise the root will cause new growth. And if you pull it out, you have to make sure it stays in the garbage, otherwise it will be blown by the wind only to be planted somewhere else in your yard, or spiritually speaking--your heart.

I have been praying for a break through, for change for the past couple of years. I didn't quite understand what I was doing wrong until a message that I heard two years occurred to me: You can't eat the seed and expect a harvest. For way too long I had been eating the seed and quite frankly enjoying it. It was almost too easy. After so much prayer and tears about change, God was like, "Holly, change comes when you decide to sow the seed." I have to be on my knees, sowing the seed by faith in the dirt. It's quite scary to let go of the seed. It can't be seen in the dirt any longer, and there is no sprout the next day. It takes time, water and cultivation. God says I have to sow His word into my situation or circumstances no matter how difficult--then and only then will I see a harvest.

Psalm 126:5 says, "Those who sow in tears, will reap with shouts of joy."

"The same Power that conquered the grave lives in me
Your love that rescued the earth lives in me..."

--Hillsong

Jesus, You have been trying to help me grasp this concept. Please do! Ingrain it. Let me live this Truth. It's monumental! I am so ordinary, yet You, the God I live for is extraordinary and living in me.

Grace

I read a book called "Crazy Love" months and months ago. I asked God what Crazy Love was going to look like for me. He has revealed to me so ways, but just today He spoke to me on grace. "Crazy Love" in nutshell was a lot about just pouring out your life radically and giving freely. Not living a lukewarm life, and beginning living outside of this structured Christianity we've grown up with. For months He had been speaking to me about Love because I had never really felt it or gave it. Lately, He's been speaking to me about Love through Grace. I'm 25, and if you could understand how much grace a girl this young has been given you'd probably faint. I pray that I never forget the life I had before God really got a hold of me. We've all been given grace through our Beloved Jesus' death, but I so desperately want to give grace to the level or extend that I have been given it. I know someone who is in serious need of grace right now. But I believe the grace given will help to change me and help me to forgive. Why withhold grace when my sins against God are just as great as this person's sins against me? If you deny grace to people, then you have yet to really understand the concept of grace and what you've been given no matter how righteous you may seem on the outside. My biggest fear in forgiveness and giving grace is the fact that I know at least right now, this person isn't sincere. But then I'm taking God's rightful place on the throne of my own heart. His word says we will be judged by the same cup we've measured out for other people. Therefore, I've been begging Him to help me pour out a whole lot of grace because I've been given a life time's worth of grace if there was such a thing. He wants me to just obey His word, and if they are being artificial or deceitful--God will take care of that. It's not my position. My position is to be humbled before my God and even my enemies.

Healer, He is.

you hold my every moment
you calm my raging seas
you walk with me through fire
and heal all my disease

i trust in You
i trust in You

i believe You're my healer
i believe you are all i need
i believe you're my portion
i believe you're more than enough for me
Jesus, you're all i need

nothing is impossible for you
nothing is impossible
nothing is impossible for you
You hold my world in your hands

--hillsong

4 year olds

Today at church, I spent extended session with 4 year olds. At snack time, we had to pray and one little boy Nathan, who I kept calling Alexander, volunteered. Wow! His prayer was outside of a 4 year old's little prayer box. It was adorable and so sincere. Jayde said something to me about Nathan being a preacher one day. So, while eating snack I decided to ask the kids what they wanted to be when they grew up. All day, I have been pondering over these precious, innocent answers.

I asked the first little girl, Olivia, and she said "a princess." My heart skipped a beat, and I thought it was going to stop right then and there. I wanted to hang on to that moment, grab her by her tiny hands and tell her to cling to that dream. I so desperately wanted to be able to tell her not to let go. I wanted to tell her how we can live a fairy tale, be a beautiful princess and have a Prince Charming. I wanted her to know that her daddy can't change that, boys can't change that, her brother can't change that... only she can. She can allow loves of the world to corrupt her dream. It's too easy to lose the grip and let it slip away.

I was describing the girls' answers to my mom and I said, "All of the girls answers were..." And my mom said, "Girlish?" Then I got stopped and thought "Are they really girlish or are they God-given?" We all dream, boys and girls alike. We all dream of adventure and excitement. Girls dream of being a princess, and boys deep down, dream of being a Prince, a warrior... the hero. They want to save the damsel in distress, and they want to be brave and stand when everyone else is bowing, but the world has taught them otherwise. The world has trained us to give up way too soon. We can all have these God-breathed dreams, but it's all by His power, His strength and His grace to let us live in a world that is seemingly fairy-tale like... or actually maybe more like Heaven on earth. It comes from believing Him, obeying Him, loving Him and letting Him bring to life our hearts desires. It might not be exactly like Disney, but it will be beyond what we could even begin to fathom or imagine. We'd be a fulfilled people. Our God's story would be able to finally shine brilliant in our mere human lives.

I AM.

I'm on my way up out of bondage. I have prayed that I won't ever forget where I have come from. I so desperately want God to use my life for His glorious story. When you're in a bondage of sin, most of the time it becomes a cycle. It's a way of life, and you just don't know how to get out. I have been miserable, and there are people who just don't understand what it's like to be held in the grip of addictive sin. But not everyone in a stronghold of sin is having a good time. I was depressed. I have cried my eyes out in my pillow going "God! What is wrong with me?... Just show me what is wrong with me." I had a heart for God, but what I did not know where the power to break free came from. I thought every time if I was sorry enough I wouldn't go back. What I didn't realize is that I needed some real alone time with God for healing. I didn't seek His Word for healing. I just studied because I was supposed to, and I enjoyed it most of the time. Fortunately, you can not help but have healing and restoration come to your mind when you are saturated in His Word.

For a long time, Satan told me I was going to stay where I was forever. When I really started to see me for who I was I had so much discouragement within myself and so much discouragement outside myself. But how could it be believable that a person with this much garbage, this much darkness... could ever be any kind of light? I would mull over who I was and who I wanted to be. Nights were always the worst for me. It was just me and God. There's no pretending to be someone else when you are alone. I couldn't hide anything. Satan kept telling me, "You're stuck. You're not capable of changing. You've tried so many times before and look where you are. You haven't moved. You're staying in the same place. Give up." All of this, and I was so tired of telling the God I love that I was sorry. But He, my Redeemer has refused to give up. He counteracted my every attitude, and every thought about myself and who He is. He first began humbling me, just showing me how to truly repent. And Love. And forgiveness. Softening my heart for His power and deliverance. He revealed to me that nothing is too big for Him. My heart was not too hard for Him. My sins were not too vast for Him. I did not have the one continual, destructive cycle that is too strong for God's Word to break. Nothing like that exists.

He told me, "Baby girl, believe Me. Believe that I can free you. Forever. And don't let anyone tell you any different. I AM WHO I AM."

change: alter, exchange, modify, transform, revolutionize, renovation, made new

"The single most toxic thing to believe about someone is that they can't change." --Mark Seagle (2006)

My journals for the past two years begged God to change me. It's an unexplainable experience... to hate the person you are. There's no peace. No joy. No self-confidence. It's like a different person is dying to get out of your body because of the blood of Christ, yet your normal self... your flesh is eating you and your relationship's alive.

We have a choice to live by grace or our flesh. God's grace is the power of the Holy Spirit to allow a change, to do something God can do through you that you could never do by yourself. We have to do what we can do, what God has asked us to do... then God will do what we can't. The desire to change was long in me. I wanted it so desperately I took the task on so many times. Only to fail God, those I love, and myself.

I learned the importance of my quiet times years ago. I read the Bible, did studies, etc. The Bible is my mirror. I see what I'm suppose to look like but then what I really look like. I walked around with dirt on my face and never noticed it. I had some real problems and issues with my personality that I didn't like facing. I grew up in a far from perfect home. None really are, but mine did not invite any bit of God into it. It's about as dysfunctional as you can get. You can use your imagination. I followed right into the pattern of my family. So, the first boy I thought really loved me, I let him walk all over me. Pain had piled up for years. I never dealt with it. It started showing it's detestable face, but I didn't have excuses.

I believed in God and was born-again when I was 7. I didn’t really have anybody to teach or disciple me. I couldn’t live the life I would have like to have lived because I had so much pain. I didn’t even know what to do. I had two lives: who I was in the flesh, and who I so desired to be in the Spirit. My personality was full of fear. I was bold, aggressive, obnoxious because I was afraid of being hurt. I was manipulative, controlling, angry when I didn't get my way. Neither did I trusted anybody nor did I think I needed anybody. I had been praying for years for God to do something in my life. I was an ugly, bitter-filled, unforgiving mess. I didn't know which way was up.

I prayed, but I also continued to do things that I thought was "right"... things I thought would help. For the longest time, I didn't even realize that anything was wrong with me. When you live the way you do for so many years, it's just you and you don't see what's wrong. People would ask me "what's wrong with you?" But I didn't quite know. I didn't realize I was acting any way. I was just getting up and being me.

When God's mirror really started to come to life, I could see the darkness that had taken residence in my heart. I could see hurt I had inflicted on those around me and even more hurt on myself. I began to cry out to God in the most sincere way that I knew how. I quit giving God my bright ideas and told Him to do whatever He wanted because it didn't matter anymore. I had ruined everything that was precious to me. I just had to have Him, healing, joy and restoration. I began to really get into the Word and see God for who He is, and who I am in Him. I started really seeing the mud and muck all over me. I was hard to get along with, angry, selfish, self-centered, depressed, moody, and you didn't know what I was going to be like from one day to the next. I wasn't operating in the Fruit of the Spirit. God's Word really started convicting my heart causing me to fall to my face. I need every quiet time, every message, it didn't matter what it was or is about... my words, prayer, my mind, selfishness, my attitude. I needed and need it all.

For the longest time, I didn’t understand the difference between conviction and condemnation. So, I would hear these things that were convicting me. But I didn’t know it was God convicting me trying to help me. I didn’t know how to go to God and tell Him I agree with these things, You’re right I have no excuse I am like this… please forgive me, please work in my life to change me. Do what ever you have to do but change me PLEASE! I always had a plan on how I was going to change: I would decide I wasn't going to do whatever I was doing wrong anymore. I tried to be sweet. I tried to be merciful. I tried to be more upbeat. I thought I was being obedient and doing the right thing. But when we do stuff in the flesh we do it in extreme measures. I was off balance in one direction with my personality then I swung to the other side, still in the flesh trying to be someone else. God changes us little by little, step by step. It's a process to bring us to His level, balanced out for eternity.

It took me two years and a broken heart to realize that I can not change myself. I had to be completely broken, open my hands, quit trying, keep praying and trust God that He was listening to my desperate cries for help. I had to exchange my trying for trusting. The most difficult part is being willing to do what God asks of me when He asks me. Breaking off my engagement was the absolute, single most, hardest thing I have ever had to do. But I had to and have to trust that God's going to do what He says He will do. I had to come to the end of myself and receive God's grace. A lot needed change--I had to pray and obey. I am changed and perfected by Grace, not my flesh.

I love 1 Peter 5:10 which says, "And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, Who has called you to His own eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will Himself complete and make you what you ought to be, establish and ground you securely, and strengthen, and settle you." It shows me that when I am convicted with what's wrong with me and I see it, I have to wait on God and I have to trust God that He's working, and I will ultimately see change. But in the mean time I'm suffering because I don’t want to be this way. We suffer because we have to go through that realizing we can not do it ourselves. It is all God and none of us. That's the way He gets all the glory. He doesn't always deliver us, but walks us through. He moves sovereignly on our behalf and shows grace when we cry out. We eventually come to the other side--free. At times I have been frustrated with my background, family life, etc. but God showed me He's my chain breaker and He's preparing me for the future. He revealed to me He can connect with the world through me because of past circumstances. I need to quit questioning why He does things the way He does. I need to jump for joy and fall on my face before the world so that His name and renown will be on display.


God.
Grace.
Prayer.
Trusting.
Waiting.

Oppression

At the beginning of my quiet time today, I didn't really understand where it was going. So, I quickly became fearful that I wasn't going to get anything out of it because God has made my quiet times so fruitful for the past 6 or 7 months. So, I stopped and prayed, "God help my heart to be receptive. I want to listen to You. Teach me. Show me something. I'm all ears and all yours."

I was reading Psalm 129, and it talks about being "oppressed from youth." I could completely relate. These were years I was being shaped, and they led to an oppression addiction. It seemed normal to me, and those were the types of relationships I looked for and was involved in for years. People react to oppression differently. I went through substance abuse, relationships, perfectionism, addictive shopping, shutting down... but with every decision it made me more oppressed and depressed. I let anger turn into pain. I mulled over it for years, eventually I just grew calloused and cold. When you are oppressed from youth you let people walk all over you. I did. For years. I inadvertently, went from being oppressed to an oppressor. The oppressed choose one of two ways--they either continue to allow people to walk all over them, or they become the people who walk all over them. I believe my choice was the worst of the two. I'd rather still be hurting then know I hurt someone I dearly love.

What became of my quiet time is I learned I can love (especially the people who deserve it) without offering them to walk. I realized I am freed up to forgive and love because according to Isaiah 49:25 my God contends with those who contend with me. He takes what happens to me very personally. He defends us when we return to Him and cry out.

Verse 3 of Psalm 129 says, "Plowmen have plowed my back..." Plowed ground is fertile ground. A seed is planted. A tree is grown. Fruit bursts forth.

That's my God.

isaiah 55:10-11

"As the rain and snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."

For some reason I have always loved this verse. Not until recently did I take it in the context of God speaking to me about me. He's said, "Beloved, you can change. I'm doing it. My word is a seed of change. It has to bring forth fruit. Keeping reading it, listening to it, confessing it and believe it."

when people try to tell you what you're not... tell them who your God is.

Eating is the new skinny.

Sadly, I think most women/girls struggle with their self-image. We measure ourselves against models, actresses, or whoever guys are giving their attention to. We can never seem to become who we think people want us to be or who we, ourselves, think we should be. Regrettably, I spent years trying to be this image I somehow formed in my head. If I wasn’t “that” then I was going to be unloved and/or rejected. Around the age of 18, I took diet pills and worked my butt off to be and stay in shape. That almost-there six-pack is long gone. It said goodbye, thanks to chocolate chip cookie dough. In seriousness, I started becoming convicted of my behaviors. I had no pure motives for exercising. I was obsessed. My addictive behavior weakened, but my self-image was never dealt with. I still kept “control” by what I ate. I couldn’t even enjoy food. Sounds pathetic, huh? Even when I am thin, I always think I have to be skinnier. I can find something wrong with my body. It’s awful to constantly be unhappy with how you look. I’ve been guilty with letting how I look preoccupy my thoughts. God tells us in His word what we should be thinking on.

My self-image/esteem was extremely low for many reasons that I won’t go into right now. But I’ve finally begun to realize the depth of Christ’s love for me. It is beyond the surface. Yes, He created me, and He thinks His creation is beautiful. But He sees His Son and not me anymore. Man looks at the outward appearance, but our God looks at our hearts. And He takes His holy place very seriously. That holy place is now—me… and you! It’s a place for Him to dwell. Since the Old Testament there have been strict regulations about God’s dwelling place. 1 Cor. 6:19-20 asks, “Didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.” (The Message) Not to say I grasp all of this, and not to say I’m not going to struggle, but I can sit back and know that God cherishes me, delights in me, loves me, and I am precious to Him.

I didn’t know how much I like food until I recently started understanding some of these Truths of who He is and what He thinks about me. ☺ I’m eating fried food, pizza, cookies, brownies, chocolate, sweet tea, etc. Now, I’m not condoning eating whatever you want. Back to our bodies being the temple of God we should be taking care of them. It goes both ways though… we should neither starve ourselves nor should we gorge ourselves either. But we are allowed to eat and enjoy! The other night I was out with a few girls… I ate Krispy Kreme without feeling rotten and guilty! Talk about yummy and an amazing step for me!

So where do you struggle the most with your body image? Not eating right? Not exercising regularly? Abusing your body with some habitual sin? Constantly comparing your physical appearance to others? Whatever the case, realize that God has redeemed you. Let the Truths about His love for you sink into your every being.

I want to be someone that only God can make me. That's how He gets the glory... when no one else can explain what has happened to me... when He's totally conspicuous.

Be Mine.

Valentine's Day. You would think a girl would be completely distraught and devastated on Valentine's Day if she didn't have a boy to take her out, cook her dinner, woo her, or look at her lovingly. Yes, he crossed my mind, and I did think about last Valentine's Day because it was the best I had ever had. No one has ever been that genuine, thoughtful and loving with me. It's the first time a boy ever cooked me dinner. I was, am... I don't know... in love. I love him still.

Though, according to some, I should have been in bed all day, weeping, eating gallons of ice cream, reading old love letters, smelling roses I should have bought for myself... I didn't. I slept in, Jesus woke me up, and my face hit the floor. How could I sulk when I have the greatest Valentine ever! What more could I ask for!? Yesterday before I had to face the world He reminded me of all the Hope wrapped up in Him in Psalm 126.

A while ago, I knew God was going to bring a test. I failed miserably. This has been one of the greatest siftings of my life. My sovereign Father has allowed this agonizing process because I had something that needed sifting. I needed something radically extracted from my life. He knew what I didn't. He knew that by the deepest brokenness of my life that He'd forgive me, heal me, and crucify that self-destructive part of me. I read some old journals recently realizing that all of this was answered prayer also. I had been praying the same thing for years. I just didn't know what form the change was going to come in. It came in the form of brokenness. But my Valentine restores life, shattered dreams and broken hearts. Right now, I'm in between a "good time remembered and another good time hoped for." In this Psalm God had done something so undeserved for the Israelites they felt like it was just too good to be true. They were filled with joy and laughter. They had seen the wonders of God, and they wanted Him to do it again! All of my eggs are in His basket... Do it again! The next part of the Psalm is my favorite because He gives us a conditional promise... "Those who sow in tears will reap with shouts of joy." My Hope resides in Him. My joy comes from Him. He's the source of my laughter. Happiness will come and go, but my God remains.

He's constant.
I'm unmoved.
I have something to look forward to.
Forever.

vital to life.

Spending time in God's Word should be pure bliss! I find myself so desperate for it. Sometimes I am searching for answers, and sometimes I just want to hear His voice audibly. He has put a love in my heart for him, that most of the time I just want to spend time with Him like any other BFF. But no matter what, every day He gives me some kind of word. He gives me new insight, new wisdom, new love... not always an answer, but something. Today I had a discussion with my mentor about "quiet times," and I've been reading a book about hearing from God. Our time spent in prayer and reading God's Word is VITAL to our life. VITAL to decisions. VITAL to our character. VITAL to our present and future. VITAL to doing God's Will.

MISTAKE: People think they can hear God clearly without spending time with Him in His Word.

When we listen for God's voice without being dedicated to spending time we set ourselves up for hearing voices that are not from God. Knowing His written Word protects us from deception. Trying to hear from God without reading His Word is irresponsible and dangerous. There are many evil spirits ready to whisper lies to a listening ear. Satan presents wild ideas to us that make sense to us, but just because something seems logical to us doesn't necessarily mean it is from God. An idea can feel good to our emotions but fail to give us peace when it isn't in line with God's Word.

Listening for God's voice is just as important. We have to be able to get still and stop talking. If we are too busy to get into God's Word daily, then we are too busy, period. Our lives are so demanding we lose sight of Who God is and where He wants to take us. There is great peril in not spending time with God on a daily bases. When we are not in His Word we slip away quietly but quickly. Our convictions become diminished without even recognizing what happened. Satan is sly. During trial he puts bait (our weaknesses) in front of our face. As soon as we bite... our time with God fades. Then our choices change. Our character changes. Before we know it we are in a pit. Many of times Satan does his best to keep us there... with guilt. We can't stay on God's path without DAILY time in His Word. We are in a battle.

Beauty in a world of disillusionment and pain

I have found Love that has stared me in the eye and dared me to face the pain, so as to gain the prize on the other side. He said, "Don't let disappointment break you. It's a storm that has to be traveled through. Don't run away. Don't use rationalization. Don't run to someone or something. Let Me heal you. Be still. Be patient. Wait. Don't lose your Hope. Don't lose the dreams I've given you. Those are promises. My beloved, don't stop living for something beautiful and settle for something mediocre. That is not My Will."

it's okay to forget your deodorant

I didn't know that perfectionism can turn into sin. I am a perfectionist. Was. I used to think that everything had to be perfect, just right. But I've learned that it doesn't. I should be honoring God in all that I do. But it is not God honoring when I obsess over small things and make mountains out of mole hills. It's okay when something is forgotten that was supposed to be done. It's okay that all the laundry doesn't get finished. It's okay that my hair is messed up, or I don't really match. It's okay when things aren't cut out perfectly. It's okay when I burn dinner. It's okay when I don't get my way. That is selfish anyhow. Spilled milk doesn't need to be cried about. Sometimes it's okay when I'm late. God has revealed so many silly things to me saying, "It's okay. Nothing to be upset about. That's a minor detail." I am suppose to honor Him in everything, and I should do everything to the best of my ability. But that doesn't mean expect everyone to be perfect all the time. I'm setting myself up for disappointment. It's okay for others to disappoint me. They are human and sin-filled. God should be my satisfaction. He doesn't disappoint.

I'm not saying dishes should pile up to the ceiling, but sometimes there are more important things in life... like our family and friends, talking... just being together. Maybe we need to spend more time in prayer or God's Word. We shouldn't necessarily procrastinate in life's responsibilities, but building relationships is more important than lists we need to check off and things we need to get done.

There's a difference in God's holy perfection and worldly perfectionism.

A Southern Belle

Southern Belles.

I recently got a couple of exceptionally cute t-shirts from Southern Belle. Unfortunately, they sell Christian and non-Christian t-shirts. I don’t agree with some of the “Southern Belle” sayings, except for the ones like “Some days aren’t worth the makeup!” The t-shirts I got are Truths of God or Bible verses. So adorable!

So, I had to do some "Southern belle" research to see how my previous ideas corresponded with today's modern view of a southern belle; thus, coming up with a twist on the version of the word. The word is derived from the French belle, meaning beautiful. It’s an “archetype for a young woman of the American Old South’s antebellum upper class.” “A Southern belle epitomized Southern hospitality, cultivation of beauty and a flirtatious yet chaste demeanor.” They are not “a symbol of repressed, corseted young women.” The classic Southern belle has an influential and inspirational attraction for people.

“Southern belle” has such a charming ring to it. When I think Southern belle, I think of femininity at it’s finest. I think femininity as God intended. A girl’s desire to be beautiful is innate. Unfortunately, many of us who could be Southern Belles are desperate, lonely, insecure, and hopeless. We are plagued by eating disorders, abusive relationships, emotional breakdowns and sexual chaos. The new definition of a Southern bell should be a sparkling, vibrant, world-altering Christ-like version of femininity. Tenderly Jesus has opened my eyes to see how far from a Southern belle I was living. He has shown me a glorious pattern for my life that He wants—His pattern. A Southern belle separates her life from the pollution of the world. She’s in the world but not of it. She worships her Father with every breath she takes. We were created to shine with heavenly beauty, to radiate with Christ-like femininity loveliness, and to sparkle with the lily-white purity of Him. A Southern belle allows Jesus to deliver her, heal her, restore her, capture her, empower her, and transform her. A Southern belle lets Jesus occupy every waking thought, action, attitude, word and decision. A Southern belle is virtuous; she shows strength, might, valor, and power. A Southern belle seeks to live an existence that glorifies her Savior in the highest ways. She is called to live an existence that other women would never attempt! A Southern belle realizes that her pretty face and striking personality aren’t really stunning apart from Jesus Christ. She does not possess anything gorgeous or worthwhile in and of herself.

A Southern belle comes humbled before her Savior at the cross unworthy with her dirty soul. Defiled and tainted. But with hope that He alone can make her life worthwhile! She embraces her unworthiness and acknowledges that she has no hope outside of the redeeming power of Jesus Christ. That is when her deliverance and freedom come! A Southern belle desires that her outward beauty only be a reflection of her inner life. A Southern belle asks God to reveal selfish patterns in her life. She asks forgiveness and to be remade in each of those areas...

none but Jesus

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored
When You call I won't refuse
Each new day again I'll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You're Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
When You call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord forevermore

--Hillsong

Throw off everything that hinders...

“So everything that doesn't fit into some stupid idea of what you think God wants, you just try to hide or fix or get rid of? I mean it's just all too much to live up to. No one fits in 100 percent of the time... Why would God make us all so different if he wanted us to be the same?”—Saved

This idea crushes my heart because I’m afraid way too many Christians view life like this. This quote is taken from a movie that mocks everything we stand for. I burst into tears when I found out they run over a statue of my Jesus in the movie. How can they? The One who redeemed. The One who was beat. The One who bled, was mocked, who hung, who suffocated. Who died for my sins. Who saved my life now and forever. How could a young Christian not only watch this, but also quote it? It makes me angry and breaks my heart.

We can know what God wants and desires of us. It’s His Word written to us. We shouldn’t hide things, but we want them exposed to the Light. We are supposed to fix and get rid of things, constantly… every day… being ever changing. All parts of our lives have to fit into what God wants. We don’t fit “100 percent” of the time, but it’s not about us anymore. It’s about Him who saved us. It’s about His Spirit living in us. It’s about His righteousness. His glory. His renown. He did make us all different. We have different looks, personalities, talents, skills, earthly dreams and goals. But we all have ONE God, and we are supposed to look the same because we are supposed to look like Him. He created us ALL in His image. Jesus made it clear to His disciples that if they would come away with Him, they must first forgo their personal life agendas, say goodbye to all that they prize and are comforted by in this life, and then and only then follow Him.

We should be willing to give up anything and everything to follow Him. We should want to live our life with our Prince that is utterly different from the world around us. We should desire to be radiant and confident. We should long to be fulfilled by Jesus, alone. We should yearn to possess a truly authentic beauty that flows from within. We should be world changers. We should want to be set apart in complete and utter devotion to our Prince. I know I want to stand out from among other young women like a lily among thorns, no matter what it means I have to “fix” or “get rid of.”

Jesus, make me a set-apart young woman who allows our passionate intimacy that I experience with You to completely transform every area of my life.

Chains

The theme of my life thus far: Bondage and Captivity.

For so long I had plunged into depression; therefore, keeping pain buried under the surface for as long as I possibly could. All my princess like desires and femininity had been destroyed. My desire for so long has been to go from captivity to captivating. Even though I sang, “My chains are gone… I’ve been set free,” I had no idea what true freedom meant. He saved me for eternity, but I hadn’t let go of the past. It kept me imprisoned with heavy chains bound to my hands and feet. I wasn’t able to love and serve effectively. He loved me in spite of my ugly, wretched condition. He took the filthy rags I was clothed in giving me a sparkling gown for a beautiful princess. He washed my life clean from sin and transformed me into His daughter… the daughter of a King. His amazing love has finally revived my shattered, wounded, bleeding heart.

There is a difference between saying I know Jesus Christ and experiencing Him as my True Prince, my Hero, and the One I give up everything just to be with. I have this great longing for Him. It’s like I’d never survive otherwise. So many of us, though we claim we know Jesus, are still longing for our deepest desires to be fulfilled by someone else. We frantically seek out the man of our dreams, when He’s standing right in front of us all this time… patiently waiting. (Boys do this too!)

He’s the lover of our souls. Our True Prince. The One we have been longing for, searching for, and dreaming of since childhood. The One who will love us the way no one else can love us; the One who will cherish us forever; the One who will transform us from hopeless girls in rags into beautiful, confident, radiant princesses. He is the One who makes us ready for true, lasting, human love. And He is the One who meets our deepest needs when human love falls apart. That’s when the stunning things from God come together. He brings the beauty inside and out.

Nothing else. We can’t do it. No one can do it for us.

It’s Jesus, shining and reigning in us.

Orbit doesn't clean your mouth, Christ cleans your heart.

"You have minds like a snake pit! How do you suppose what you say is worth anything when you are so foul-minded? It's your heart, not the dictionary, which gives meaning to your words. A good person produces good deeds and words season after season. An evil person is a blight on the orchard. Let me tell you something: Every one of these careless words is going to come back to haunt you. There will be a time of Reckoning. Words are powerful; take them seriously. Words can be your salvation. Words can also be your damnation."
Matthew 12:34-36 (The Message)

What happened to us being set-apart in speech? Jesus gave so many warnings about how we are supposed to talk. How do Christians go about their daily lives sounding like the world? I don’t understand. Our mouth is supposed to speak Truth. How can we claim Christ in one breath then in the next, curse? When did it become okay? It’s like it’s okay to say words that stand for other words, such as using B. instead of saying the entire word. People talk dirty. They use words like ho, and d---, so lightly. Ephesians 5:4 reminds us, "Dirty stories, foul talk and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead remind each other of God's goodness and be thankful!" Improper language should have no place in Christian conversation because it does not reflect God’s gracious presence in us. How can we praise God then speak vulgarly? Our words should please God, Psalm 19:14 says, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." Our words are important because we represent Christ. Colossians 4:6 says, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Jesus, our Savior died for our foul mouths. Filthy talk hung Him on the Cross. It only took one word. Think about the speech that was hurled at Him. Is that much different than what we say when it doesn't glorify Him? Our words are to be encouraging. Uplifting. Kind. Pure. Right. True. Loving.

The words we speak should not give mixed messages to others, but only messages that are consistent with who we say we are--followers of Christ.

A King. Humility. and a Cross.

who but our God?... there's none like You, and no one else for me.

my heart belongs to You. :)

please reign in it.

Love.

God can reveal Himself through anything and anyone.

Today my brother came home extremely upset. He is being made fun of on the bus. That is an understatement, but the gist of what is happening. For the first time in my life God sat me down and helped me to be able to just listen to someone hurting. There is so much damage inside people and most of the time it isn’t even visible. We carry it around day to day trying to block it out.

A past friend and my brother remind me so much of one another. I think he was still carrying around hurt from the past (high school) when I started dating him, whether he acted like it bothered him or not. I don’t think it was ever fully dealt with. God had put me in a great position to partner with Him to help heal him. I had ultimate Love to offer him because of Christ and through Christ. But I hoarded it. I didn’t give any part of myself away in fear of being hurt or eventually rejected. I didn’t love because I was looking inward at my own pain and the possibility of there one day being more. I had a noble opportunity. I let it slip away. I am selfish. God had a plan. I took it into my own dirty hands.

God fills us only to be depleted. It’s why we’re here. It’s what we do. We give of ourselves. We meet others needs. We are to regard one another as better than ourselves. It’s listening. It’s caring. It’s encouraging. It’s holding. It’s sitting with. It’s crying. It’s empathy. It’s compassion. It’s praying for. It’s Love.

I can’t believe it took me 2 years of desperately wanting to love someone to understand what it really means, looks like and feels like. My charge is to Love others because God first loved me and will continue to love me. I rely on him to meet my needs, carry me through, love me… so I can focus on others.

Why 25 years, God, to catch this?

Can Love go back and restore? Can I go back and do what I wanted but didn't? Can they let me try to love them your way, Jesus?

Will my scars forever ruin all of God's plans?

God's divine design was for baby girls and boys to grow up with both their mommy and daddy. Unfortunately, in our shattered world families are broken up and torn apart.

God gave us the His pattern in Genesis 2:24, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."

A man would leave his father and mother and take a wife. They would be fruitful and multiply. The children would benefit from both parents, as each one would bring different and necessary facets to the child's life. This was the pattern, the divine design.

There is power in a father. He brings something to the family relationship that only he can bring because God created him in that role. And when he's missing little girls fill that void with anyone and everything because they desire for the pain to go away. When we let anger at our fathers turn to pain... we just transfer it to others that we love. We begin to ruin our God given, blessed relationships.

God didn't want there to be a missing link in our family, but sometimes He allows it. I'm learning that I can be thankful because although I let Satan rule my hurt, God has taken it over to transform it. He can use my brokenness. He can redeem pain and transform it into something strong, solid, and powerful. I have to be willing to let it go.

I don't know how unbelievers without fathers make it. I'm weak to begin with, so I don't know what I would do without Christ. As Christians we have to learn to be patient letting God fill our hearts. But what does a non-Christian do? That's heartbreaking. I'm not sure why God chose to fill me up with himself.

The hardest thing for me to understand right now is the reasons God allowed me to grow up without a father, or with the abusive one I had. And especially because He gave me the man of His and my dreams before I was ready... knowing that I wasn't going to wait on His timing.

I've learned that long before a girl finds her first real boyfriend or falls in love, her attitude toward men has been shaped quietly by her father. Why? Because the father-daughter relationship sets the stage for all future romantic involvements. If a young woman's father rejects her, she'll spend her life trying to find a man who can meet the needs he never fulfilled in her heart. If he rejects her as unattractive and uninteresting, she's likely to carry self-image problems into her adult years. If he was overbearing, uncaring, or capricious during her developmental years, she may disrespect her husband and question his judgment. That was me.

This has been a fear, bondage, baggage, pure captivity for me. Satan told me that I couldn't ever have a marriage God intended because of my family life. I lived my last relationship believing his lies; therefore, ruining all good that God wanted to create and give.

A good father will leave his imprint on a daughter's heart for the rest of her life, but not every girl has that. So, all I know is my Great Father has nail scared imprints on his hands for the rest of eternity.

Now I have to let God change my image and ideas of fathers, so I can learn to trust my husband and see myself differently. Girls can see their fathers in a positive light also, which effects them positively. I'm never going to have a "good" earthly father to learn from. But look WHO I get to, Jesus himself. Can it get any better?... :)

When fathers are warm and nurturing, girls look for a lover to equal him. If he thinks she's beautiful and feminine, she'll be inclined to see herself that way. If a father blended love and discipline in a way that conveyed strength, she may be more comfortable with a give-and-take marriage characterized by mutual respect.

I get to be loved by our Heavenly Father, King of kings and Lord of lords. I get to see what a father/daughter and marriage relationship looks like according to Him who created both! He's making it unhindered by my past! He's giving me new eyes and a new heart to carry all of this.

I thought my scars were going to forever ruin His plans. But I am a new creation, and He doesn't even see me with scars. He sees me as His princess, who He's changing, not letting go of, and planning for at this moment.

There's always Hope and Light because of Him.

25

I have held on so tight to my plans. I was so scared to trust what God had planned.

I'm 25 and not where I thought I would be just a few years ago when I wrote on my birthday. Just a couple months ago I let go of a lot of things. I let go of the past. My hurt. John. My plans. My insecurities. I wasn't the person God or I desired me to be. It kills you when you're hurting people you love. It's ugliness.

Three years ago God was working on facets of my life that needed to be changed. I prayed forever that He would begin working on the depths of my heart. I prayed that He would help me to begin to really and truly learn to love. He's faithful to answer. It took a heart-wrenching break up to begin the healing process though.

He's working in me. He's uprooting all that doesn't belong in a heart that is His. He's preparing me for tomorrow. For September. For next year. For 2 years later. He's preparing me for what He has for me because He never lets go.