Perfection in Love

Everyone longs to give themselves to someone, To have a deep soul relationship with another. To be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God to a Christian says, No. Not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone. With giving yourself totally and unreserved to Me. With having an intense personal and loving relationship with Me alone. Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found. Then you will be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.You will never be united with another until you are united with Me. Exclusive of anyone or anything else. Exclusive of any other desire or longing. I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to give it to you. I want you to stop planning and stop wishing and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing, one that you cannot even imagine.I want you to have the best. So just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things and listen and learn the things I tell you. You just wait... that's all. Don't be anxious. Don't worry. Dont look around at the things I have given others. Don't become pre-occupied with the things you think you want. Just keep on looking to Me or you'll miss what I want to show you. Then, and only then, when you are ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you could ever dream! You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working even at this moment to have both of you ready at the same time), and you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life that I have prepared for you, you won't be able experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me... PERFECT LOVE. Dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me and enjoy concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love. Know that I love you. I am God. Know it and be satisfied.

For the Moments I Feel Faint

Am I at the point of no improvement?

What of the death I still dwell in?

I try to excel, but I feel no movement

Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?

Never underestimate my Jesus

You're telling me that there's no hope

I'm telling you your wrong

Never underestimate my Jesus

When the world around you crumbles

He will be strong, He will be strong

I throw up my hands

"Oh, the impossibilities"

Frustrated and tired

Where do I go from here?

Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly

Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear

I think I can't, I think I can't

But I think you can, I think you can

I think I can't, I think I can't

But I think you can, I think you can

Gather my insufficiencies and place them in your hands

A+ Teacher, C- in Obedience

Since I started college I wanted to be an elementary school teacher. Anytime anyone would ask me what else I would want to do... I already knew. I would teach!

I didn't want to though because they did not make enough money. So, I have gone round and round with my major. I kept changing it to make the most amount of money that I could, with spending the least amount of time in school.

Well, I'm going to be making a less amount of money and I'm spending an extra two years in school because I wouldn't obey God first. I was so concerned with money, a large house, etc etc. But God was like "HOLLY! Do what makes you happy, I want you to teach, I will provide!" I was like hey, God is going to provide! If I'm a nurse, I'm not providing for my family God is. He is going to meet my needs, I just need to obey.

And I know deep within my heart, even when I'm scared if I obey and stay within God's Will, that is where I am going to be the happiest.

So in conclusion, I'm going to be an elementary school teacher! I am so thrilled! I saw a little apple timer in a catalog, and I got so excited. I see little children about 1st graders, oh it just makes me grin from ear to ear!

Until God tells me otherwise, a teaching degree is what I am pursuing.

Obey the first time otherwise you're going to end up like me and the Isrealites wondering around for extra years wasting time that could have been avoided, not to mention all this time you could have been enjoying God's promised land!

Hercules, Hercules

My puppy Hercules whom I love.

Rainy Days.

Today God brought the rain. He brought a lot and He brought it hard. I had to drive to Pensacola today. As I got closer to school the rain let up. I was like "Oh good! Thank you Lord." I bought and umbrella at Target (a very cute one). When I got to school it was POURING! I was wearing my Rainbows--mistake. I knew I definitely could not run, at that I couldn't walk fast in those. They are too slippery. I took off my flip flops, rolled up my pants, opened my umbrella and started walking. You might think a rainy day might bring a little crabiness to people. But it didn't. It was great! Everyone was soaked, except their heads. Everyone was carrying their flip flops, laughing at themselves and those around them, walking through puddles with their jeans rolled up. Besides the rain bringing nurishment to the grass, it brought some nurishment to some souls. Everyone had a smile on their face.

Plus, I got extra credit in class for being there in stormy weather. :)

the GIFT of SINGLENESS

I know of about 12 people who have either gotten married or are engaged. Everywhere I turn someone else is telling me about their engagement. I'm not as frustrated as I was when my boyfriend and I first broke up, but it's nice that God would still do this for me....

My friend, Sara, had some "great news" to tell me. So she called, and I just knew she was going to tell me that she was engaged to her boyfriend.

Well, God had other plans. She told me that she was going to be teaching missionary's kids overseas during her internship. And-- that God was telling her she had some distractions (aka- her boyfriend). So, she broke up with him. It was so good to hear that she was able to do that, and that she is putting her trust in the Lord. I was like wow! That is so cool. Because it really is amazing and exciting that she would get an opportunity to teach missionary's children. Then I was like I am so happy you told me that, now I know I am not the only one.

God's been comforting me, and teaching me that it is okay for me to be by myself. And that He can get a lot more accomplished with me by myself. I'm in His hands.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."-- Jeremiah 29:11

Take a Different Street, Get Out of the Vicious Cycle

I've been in circles with my ex. Everytime we break up, I get involved with someone else. I'll be the first to admit, I like the attention. And normally I'm angry at my ex, so it is a way of telling him, I can get any one guy I want, even though my heart is aching to be with him. Well, my ex and I break up, and I start living like I should. But as soon as I get into another relationship, I slip away slowly but surely. Then my ex comes back around and I get worse. It's a sick cycle.

Well, before I ever went on the first date with the "new guy" God was telling me no. I did everything I possibly could to convince myself that it was fine and it was "just one date." Well, one turned into quite a few. God continue to tug at my heart everyday, what seemed like every moment. It's like He kept saying "Remember your list, remember what you want, remember who you want to be, remember who I desire you to be, I want to give you something beyond your dreams."

Every date was a stuggle. It was so easy to be with this guy. He does meet parts of my list, but I'm not sure if he meets some of my vital expectations. Well, I knew what had to be done. I didn't talk to him for a few days because I was busy with homework (aka- stalling). I finally talked to him last night. I told him how I felt, and afterward I felt amazing. Obeying the Lord really does feel good. I knew I had to do my part, trusting in the Lord even though I was sacred of hurting his feelings and having no guy in my life.

It feels so good to take a different street, rather than falling into the same hole time and again. I've been doing it for years. I know God is like "See, precious, now was that so bad?" I also knew that I was putting myself into a vunerable position. I was inviting one of my greatest weaknesses into my life each date and each day.

The best part besides the feeling I get by obeying is the fact that God is being glorified! And Satan is probably furious. With God's help we can defeat Satan in our moments of temptation. He thought he had a hold, but with God Satan has got nothing on me. It makes me want to say HAHA-in your face!

I know this is only the beginning but with every victory and everyday of drawing closer to God it gets easier. Or it can go the other way, it's our choice. But a little bit of sin turns into a lot of bit of sin!! It's a deadly progression backward, and I've been there time and time again. Not anymore!

"[Spiritual growth] is a question of obedience, turn away from one second of obedience, and instantly darkness and death are at work." -- Oswald Chambers

God's Protection and His Microbiology Lesson

God desires purity in our lives. Not just sexual purity, but purity in all aspects of our lives.

But the microbiology lesson was on sexual purity. God doesn't want us to just guard our "technical" virginity, but even our kisses! Besides kisses leading to other things, our kisses are sacred. If our heart is part of these kisses, it is a sign of our affection. But He wants our affections to be completely on Him, and when He gives us "the one" then we are allowed to place some of our affections and kisses on our husband.

God wants us to gaurd the sacred parts of our inner being not to make us prudish or so we can't have "fun," but so we don't get hurt, whether is be our heart, emotionally or physically.

Now for the biology aspect. I always assumed, in my lack of knowledge, that you get cold sores if you kiss someone with a cold sore at that time. But--that is not the case. Cold sores are a strain of a the herpes virus, which lays latent in nerve cells until activated by stress, fever, or a cold. Well, this virus is passed through saliva. So even if there is no evidence of a cold sore, it doesn't mean they can't pass those little skin erupting pest along. God can speak to us anywhere, even in class. I was listening to this lecture, and my God was telling me, "Yes, Holly even your kisses. Keep them for now." Save your kisses for the one who is worthy of them!

Only Once

Susan came up to me and asks if the "new guy" and me are considered boyfriend/girlfriend. I was like "No way! I have only considered one person my boyfriend, and that is my ex. Any other person I say 'I'm just dating them.' It's going to take a lot for me to say that someone is my boyfriend."


"Poets often descirbe love as an emotion that we can't control, one that overwhelms logic and common sense. That's what it's like for me. I didn't plan on falling in love with you, and I doubt that you planned on falling in love with me. But once we met, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me love like that has happened only once, and thats why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I'll never forget a single moment of it. -The Notebook

I Thank God He Didn't Make Me Mute

(At UWF) On my way to class, in class and on my way back to the car I am surprised (well no I'm not) but I'm just like man, people's mouths are so bad. I notice it all the time, but a few days ago I was really thinking about it. It's like 3 words in one sentence! Always to my left and to my right. Pretty girls aren't so pretty anymore. It makes me especially sad to say that I use to be one. I can't believe God didn't zip my mouth shut so He didn't have to listen to that. My ex use to say stuff about my mouth, and I did get better for his sake, but I never really understood why it bothered him. I see it. It's yucky, and it made me look ugly. I haven't cursed in a long time (okay, months) but I do say crap and I never say, but sometimes when I'm driving I'll think it... jerk. But even that I don't want to do. It's not necessary, and I can't imagine Jesus Christ speaking those words. I noticed a lot of Christians also say "Lord." And I'm talking about real professing Christians, like I know that they lead a Christ-centered life. But I wonder if they even realize they are saying it. It's like out of habit. I say "geez" and "gosh." I know those are forms of Jesus and God. I need help with those words too. :(

better than an island vacation

i'm going to nashville in january and i'm so excited. i haven't been on a trip in forever. going on a trip and spending time with GOD is so much different then being at home and spending time with HIM. it truly is a retreat. i just want to make sure that i am completely open to HIM. there are going to be three amazing speakers and some awesome bands, so i definintely do not want to miss out on any of it! can't wait to write about passion 06 after the fact!

Which to Bury; Us or the Hatchet

i think you know what i'm getting at

i find it so upsetting that

the memories that you select you keep the bad but the good you just forget

and even though i'm angry i can still say

i know my heart will break the day

when you peel out and drive away

i can't believed this happened

and all this time i never thought

that all we had would be all for not

no, i don't hate you

don't wanna fight you

know i'll always love you

but right now i just don't like you

cause you took this too far

make your decision and don't you dare think twice

go with you instincts along with some bad advice

this didn't turn out the way i thought it would at all

you blame me but some of this is still your fault

i tried to move you, but you just wouldn't budge

i tried to hold your hand, but you'd rather hold your grudge

i think you know what i'm getting at

you said goodbye and i just don't want you regretting that

and wisdom always chooses

these black eyes and these bruises

over the heartache that they say

never completely goes away

(I just can't believe this happened

and one day we'll see this come around)

what happened to us

i heard that it's me we should blame

what happened to us

why didn't you stop me from turning out this way

and know that I don't hate you

and know that I don't want to fight you

and know that I'll always love you

but right now I just don't...

to mothers who speak bluntly to their children

it's easy for me to get my feelings hurt. and even easier right now. i'm a girl with a broken heart and a lot of hope. i have a list of the perfect man. and yes, i too wonder if lesile ludy took the last good one. my list is extensive, specfic, and perfect. i didn't tell my mom details of my list, i just told her what i just told you. it's going to be hard for a guy to meet my expectations. i was telling her about how wonderful i expect him to be. she told me "good luck." i cried. i mean, my mom said that to me! she shattered my dream for a few hours until she apolgized. it is really hard to believe GOD still has a few of HIS "warrior poets" left. some days are harder than others. so mom's: be encouraging to your daughter's dream. my mom understands now. we had a talk, and she is glad my heart can hope that much. i want her later to be proud that my heart could trust that much. trust is a lot of the problem. and let me tell you if i'm trusting... it's not me. it's GOD giving me the strength, hope and courage to trust in HIM.

The Joy of Waking Up Your Brother

I had the responsibility of waking up my brother. Sometimes he can be a little moody. But I know how to wake someone up, so that they are in a good mood. Blare The Happy Song, sing as loud as you can, and pretend like they are a drum set. He wanted to lay there ignoring me, but he couldn't. He smiled. And most importantly he woke up in a good mood.

"Ooh, this is what I'm going to have for breakfast, cold pizza"

My brother said this a few mornings ago. It reminded me of a girl who is very dear to my heart. How do you help those you love when they are tired of hearing your "Jesus Loves You" speeches? It's so hard when you know the answer to their life's unhappiness. I have been through some of the same struggles, no dad, giving your heart away, dealing with a step dad, being compared to siblings, you name it! You want someone to love you for your sometimes quirkiness, loveableness, your giving, someone who loves you with no make up, someone who continues to love and forgive through your failures, someone who just loves you for you. We all want to be accepted. We want to be fulfilled. We want to feel appreciated and cherished. We want to feel joy. And the only man who is going to fill our heart with these things and this confidence is our Savior, our Creator. But we have to stay close. We have to be in prayer, and listen for Him singing over us. We have to be in His word, and He will remind us of His love, promises, and the hope He brings. He wants to show us the joyful life we can lead through His Will. But we have to stay close. We have to be open, willing, hopeful, obedient, and ever trusting.

"She grew up without very much
She didn't know who her father was
She met a boy and her heart he stole
So she gave him all her body and her soul."

One Day Ago

"Life is not what I thought it was twenty-four hours ago."

Becoming a Blogger

I love the way I feel when I'm reading the Bible or a book and the writer is sharing his/her struggles. I'm like thank you Lord! I am not the only one who feels this insane pressure or tug in two different directions. Not only do they share some failures, but they share their victories. All of the victories include the writer being obedient and trusting to the Lord. I enjoy writing, those of you who have recieved letters from me know that I write and write and write some more. I write a lot for myself so I can go back and see what was going on and see God's handiwork. I'm no book writer or publisher, but I do have a lot to say. So why not share my struggles, victories, hurts and laughs with those close to me and those I don't know. It might help someone along the way.

I used to wanna live inside a fairytale

I wanted to be perfect and complete

But every time I tried to figure out my life

I was always disappointed with the ending
And everything's different now

I am not the same anymore
Lately, it's so amazing what you're doing to me

Re-arranging me from the inside out

Only you can take away

All my superficial ways

You have shown me what beauty's about

From the inside out