Jesus,

Beauty is something I've never possessed.

But something I've obsessed over.

You created beauty. I twisted it into an outward but inward selfish theme. When I look over my shoulder into the past it's chaotic. My self-worth was spinning out of control. I let the mirror define me. I begged to be good enough. I gave gifts away just to gain empty confidence. I broke Your heart and ran away. I thought someone else was going to love me, but he wasn't. And then he didn't either. And neither did the other one. Altering my mind didn't gain me love either. Wiping out judgement didn't help. Make up doesn't cover up scars, walls or pain. Snap shots of the past are replusive. The inside was starving and it was fed by the outside. I was sick. I don't want to be seen from the outside. I want the inside to be beautiful. I want to be more than skin deep. I want depth in my life. Jesus, give me back the wasted years. Show me mercy. Show me Your beauty. You're radiant. Shine in me that I may be beautiful too.

"Holy fire burn away my desires of anything that is not of You"