I got accepted!
I know it's what God has called me to do, but my heart, actually my flesh is tearing me apart. My heart has been so eager for the things of God. I've been driven. Yet, Satan has been attacking me from all sides. He's been bringing up my past. He's been bringing up my future. He's been keeping me busy. He's brought me down. I've had things thrown in my face. He's been ruining my reputation. He's been pulling me from my First Love. He's trying. to. keep. me. BOUND. He's trying. to. keep. me. from. doing. God's Work. He's trying to keep me from my calling. He's pushing. He's pulling. He's tripping me up. He's been putting plenty of stumbling blocks in front of me. He's reminded me of my worst fears. He's making me think I'm going to "miss out." He's pulling every thing out. All the weapons. But Who and What am I meant to live for?
I read a book, over the summer, called Lady in Waiting. It was a devotional for girls to teach them how to become mighty women of God. It has made a lasting impact, and continues to make waves in my life today. The first chapter is titled "A Lady of Reckless Abandonment". It focuses on the beautiful story of the woman who anointed Jesus' feet with an expensive jar of perfume. This is one of my favorite stories because it demonstrates the power of abandonment. The jar of perfume was far more than just expensive liquid. Traditionally, the Hebrews would use this jar to collect all of their tears and then mix it with perfume. It was this beautiful idea that God was collecting all of their grief and turning it into an exquisite fragrance. So when the woman knelt down and broke her alabaster jar before Jesus, she was not just pouring out expensive liquid – she was literally taking every tear her heart had ever cried and placing it at the Lord's feet. Scripture says that she did not just pour the perfume on Christ's feet – no she did something far more beautiful. She completely broke the jar. She decided that she would no longer collect tears, and would simply abandon everything and follow Jesus. In this moment, I can just feel her brokenness. I can just feel her heart saying "Take all of me Jesus, take my past, take my hurts, take my grief, take my passions, I break it all at your feet." She did this because she recognized Jesus as God. Once she realized that the God of the universe was before her, it was everything she could do to contain herself. She ran to find the most precious thing that she owned, the thing that she treasured closest to her heart, and then broke it at Jesus' feet in a sign of submission. She was a woman of Reckless Abandonment. Because of this act of brokenness, Jesus says that her story would be told throughout the entire world for thousands of generations.
I love that phrase – Reckless Abandonment. I can just feel the freedom saturating those words. In order to abandon things, truly abandon them, there is a wild passion behind it. It is the type of passion that drives crazy people to do the impossible. It is the type of passion that makes people believe that dreams are possible, and that Kingdom can truly come.
I have been learning this month, that to truly go to the deeper places of God, we must be people of Reckless Abandonment. There are so many things in this world that are holding us back from the dynamic things of God. How tightly do I hold on to things, and am I willing to break everything at Jesus' feet in order to follow Him. As much as I don't want to admit it, abandonment is the message of the Gospel. Every person that Jesus called to follow him had to completely abandon their old life. They didn't just have to leave their past mistakes behind, they were even called to abandon the good, God-given things. This is the place that God has been calling me to this month. A few days ago, I felt God calling me to abandon even more than I already have. At first I was resistant. I kept praying, "God I've given up so much? What else?" And yet he called me deeper. I began breaking the things that He was asking me at His feet in a sign of submission and abandonment. Even though it is hard to break the things that you love, it is also the most freeing thing in the world.
I am excited that God loves us enough to challenge us. That's the thing about abandonment, God doesn't just call us to hard places so that we can suffer – it's because he has so much more good for us! He wants to shower us with his love, his blessings and his anointing. Sometimes those things can only come when we are at a place of complete brokenness. And the quickest way to brokenness is through abandonment, reckless abandonment. Is God calling you to lay some things down at his feet? Are you ready to respond in reckless abandonment and completely break the jar instead? You see, I just keep getting this whisper in my ear that abandonment is the key to blessing. It's the key to a deeper relationship with Jesus. It's the start of a different kind of life – a world changing kind of life.
So may we have the strength to take our most precious alabaster jar and use it to anoint the precious Lamb of God.
May we have the courage to hear the Lord's voice as He calls us to deeper places with Him. And may we have the obedience to walk down that path.
May we truly be people of reckless abandonment.
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